Stake

I think I slipped again
Am I too weak to hold it in place
Shifting between the bones in my rib cage
I’ve had trouble breathing
Focusing on daily tasks is difficult when fingers
always find their way down to the pointed end
making sure it’s kept still
touch it, tickle it
I dare you
make my dopamine levels run high
make me scream because
life is so fucking fun Ain’t it fucking pretty? I like it when it hurts
like it when I feel just how alive I am
4 am in the morning and on all fours
the bathroom tiles
leaving quadratic imprints on my elbows
and I cry to the dead-eyed shower head
that someone touched me again
or maybe it was just me
having a brief moment of euphoria
turning too quickly
now it sits all wrong and I pull at the wooden hilt
screaming into the empty drain
that I do not need you
to tear at me just so I
can think
I do not need to be hit
so that I can lick my wounds later
I do not need you
you’re ruining it, ruining it
again

Sorry about the aggressive language. I wrote this during an anxiety attack. Just what I needed to break my writer’s block. 

Apologies to all my friends on SD for being inactive lately. I’ve been way too caught up in my own world, working intensely on my novel and not paying too much attention to the world around me. I’m trying to climb up from my hole. I miss you all. 

Malicia

Fetus in Fetu

I was too young when I made you
Skinny limbs and glass-like eyes
Staring into the bright future
But with each passing year the world grew smaller
around me
Now I realize you don’t fit
Your skin scraping against mine
and
If I try to pull you trough the eye of time
your stitches break, arms and legs flinging off in various directions
And what do I get,
a bleeding piece of your abdomen
The remnants of a childhood dream
to tuck in under my pillow
at night

This is kind of a sequel to my last piece: “Miscarriage”.

[Fetus in fetu (or foetus in foetu)] is a developmental abnormality in which a mass of tissue resembling a fetus forms inside the body of the host.

Malicia